y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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