Say something about gay babies.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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