you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
