I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
