y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
