you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
