got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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