dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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