Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
