Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
