I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
