four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
