I just pynch a tree in the face
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
