After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize