note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
it was like eating out sand paper
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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