I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
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she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
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How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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