my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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