At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
