i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
