my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
