Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
