also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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