And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
