I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
