I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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