Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
