This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
