I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
