Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
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I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize