I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
