i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
