Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
