My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
