My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
