I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
All I want is dick and wine.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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