My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
