I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
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Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
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It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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