Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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