i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Randomize
