actually, I'm a sock model
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
