Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
