Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
