Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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