Where did you get a picture of my penis
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
