So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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