Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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