i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Randomize
