I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
