I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
