I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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