people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
