I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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