No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
