i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
