there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
