I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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