Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
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