party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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