Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
