I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
