Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
