It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
