i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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