After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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