so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
