she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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