the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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