you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
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