She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
