Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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