Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
