I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
