your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
