god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
my being single is dangerous.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
