Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
