I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
