can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
