You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
