theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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